My father's response to my letter

I thank you so much for writing I have thought of you everyday too and Brooklynn and Ian. I was very happy and proud of you at your wedding my little girl was all grown up and it was hard to fight back the tears. I want you to know l love you and you are always in my heart and thoughts. Has been a long tough year for us all and I have stayed away giving you your space and time, I think the thought of the disappointment in your eyes was more than I could bear. I can never right my wrongs and I know that, I understand your anger and it hurts to know how I made you feel and not having you in my life has been one of the worst things I can Imagine but your right it is my fault and I am sorry Stephanie for hurting you. I hope your doing good and happy, I have watched a couple of your youtube videos of you and Brooklynn and it always makes me smile seeing you but sad to see what I am missing in my life. do not be sorry you have nothing to be sorry for this is my fault, you have always been a good kid, a good daughter. Thank you so much for the message I love you very much.

Dad

A letter I wrote to my father recently

I don't even know where to begin. It's been over a year since we last spoke. I would be lying if I said I had not thought of you everyday since. I'm so angry and hurt by you, yet still, I love you because you are my dad. I feel so guilty for erasing you, but what other choice did I have? The things you have done are unforgivable in my eyes. The things you have done, I'm not even sure I fully comprehend. I'm baffled by the whole situation. Threw this entire year, I have become the outcast of the "family." A family I do not even know anymore. One I used to wish I was not a member of, but now that it's gone, I wish it back. Everyday I think of you. I wonder what your doing, or if you ever think of me too. I often think of my wedding day, when we stood at the beginning of the aisle and I felt you squeeze my hand in an effort to hold back your tears. I think of our father-daughter dance at my reception. I cannot recall even what song was playing, because I was so focused on that moment of being you daughter. My heart breaks every time I think of how things used to be, and I miss so much of the past. Why did you have to do the things you did? It's because of those choices I was forced to make the choice I did about having you in my life. I'm still so angry with you, so angry I can barley stand thinking about it. I'm so lost in it all. I thought by now, with an entire year having past, that it would get easier. But it has only gotten more and more difficult to bear. I just thought you should know that I still think of you, and still love you for being my dad, and I'm sorry I'm not as forgiving as my sisters have been.
Stephanie

I can't begin to comprehend the amount of stress I have put myself threw, unnecessarily. I don't know why I do it to myself. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about. My father molested my sister, yet, I'm the only one who can't forgive him. Both of my sisters visit him on a regular basis. Yet still, I cry at night because I miss him, and feel that I have no choice but to disown him. What hurts the most is that he was a good father to me. He never hurt me in that way. I never thought he could ever do something so terrible. Why is it that I am the only one who is still mad? Is it because I have a daughter to protect? I wonder what will happen if and when my sisters have children. Will their feelings change? Will they ignore the fact that he molested my sister when she was a young girl? Threw this past year, I have become the outcast in the family, even more so than I have always been. I'm the bitch who won't talk to dad. That's I am viewed, as a bitch, for protecting my daughter. There is so many lies and deception in my family. But I still feel guilty, and I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it.