A letter I wrote to my father recently

I don't even know where to begin. It's been over a year since we last spoke. I would be lying if I said I had not thought of you everyday since. I'm so angry and hurt by you, yet still, I love you because you are my dad. I feel so guilty for erasing you, but what other choice did I have? The things you have done are unforgivable in my eyes. The things you have done, I'm not even sure I fully comprehend. I'm baffled by the whole situation. Threw this entire year, I have become the outcast of the "family." A family I do not even know anymore. One I used to wish I was not a member of, but now that it's gone, I wish it back. Everyday I think of you. I wonder what your doing, or if you ever think of me too. I often think of my wedding day, when we stood at the beginning of the aisle and I felt you squeeze my hand in an effort to hold back your tears. I think of our father-daughter dance at my reception. I cannot recall even what song was playing, because I was so focused on that moment of being you daughter. My heart breaks every time I think of how things used to be, and I miss so much of the past. Why did you have to do the things you did? It's because of those choices I was forced to make the choice I did about having you in my life. I'm still so angry with you, so angry I can barley stand thinking about it. I'm so lost in it all. I thought by now, with an entire year having past, that it would get easier. But it has only gotten more and more difficult to bear. I just thought you should know that I still think of you, and still love you for being my dad, and I'm sorry I'm not as forgiving as my sisters have been.
Stephanie